To be or not to be confident

A week ago I wouldn't have believed where a new pair of black shoes can get me. But then second hand store happened and the International Women's Day of today was around the corner. That combination was enough to inspire me to wake up at 6 am and to go for a mission.

Yesterday morning I headed to the university to start the day with something else than studying. I had little butterflies in my stomach when changing the shoes. Everybody must be looking at me (like they wouldn't have more important things to do).

Where could I find a quiet place to have a photo shoot? Well, my dear, you decided to come to the university, it might be a challenge. This is how living on the edge excites me even in every-day life. Luckily it was the holiday week, so the corridors were rather empty, even on a Finnish level.

I am tall. High heels of any height make me a little taller. This hasn't been the easiest thing to digest and has made me hear comments for this feature of mine. "You don't even need to wear high heels to look like a model" or "good luck with finding a man taller than you".

Nowadays I can laugh along the comments. But being in the "size of a model" has not always felt like a compliment. I really didn't know how to take it, because on the other hand, model career was typically associated with "waste of brain". So I probably thanked and said something about not planning to become a model. I didn't feel pretty, nor I didn't want to be stupid.

I was totally not comfortable with how I looked, and I guess I was not alone with that among all the other teenagers. If I remember correctly, most of the time I didn't care, but then there were those moments when I wished I would have been anyone else in the world, and if I just could have had a face of someone else.

Walking down to the university corridors with my high heels, the distances felt longer and the echo from the walls louder than ever before. That one thing I didn't take into consideration with the emptiness.

The two main feelings when walking around were "pleaase don't look for too long" and "wuaaah I feel so powerful". One kind of experience of empirical science - to analyse people's reaction is my way of coping with uncomfortable situations. Feel free to use!

The strategy of empirical science thinking is actually pretty recently implemented. Before my coping hints have included for example dancing, taking classes of acting, and picking up every opportunity to travel that I was offered. Those gave me the possibility of having a moment as that someone else in practice, and bit by bit thought me how to enjoy moments with new people, strangers. Through those strategies I was also able to start broadening my thinking with anyone I met.

Changes in how do you see yourself won't happen overnight, that's for sure. It takes time, but in my opinion you can have an effect on the meaningfulness of the years that will pass anyway. Now, I don't have a career of a model, but that doesn't stop me from getting excited of spending a regular day in a gala skirt.

Today being the International Women's day, I thought it to be a good reason to celebrate where I have gotten so far. Also, what would be a better time to encourage, share stories or to complain together with everyone else who is on a same journey?

For all of you, and as a reminder for myself, always be courageous, and dare to take that one step higher of which you have been dreaming. Sometimes all it takes, is to literally pull on those high heels only to walk around the university.

And it might start with just a small thought, you don't always need to plan an adventure a year in advance. Why not doing it tomorrow as the first thing when you wake up?

My #BalanceForBetter pose

What can one person do?

I recently encountered one of the biggest disappointments of my life. This happened after twice taking part in an application process, where you truly need to believe in your own capabilities, find the connection between your strengths and the required contribution and have great love towards the community around you. Your why, how and what need to be made crystal-clear not only for yourself, but also communicated to the others. Once those have been discovered, only thing you can do is to give your best and have confidence in being able to take it to the very end. And then you have to trust in the knowledge and understanding of the decision-makers.

  

During the two and a half years working in an organisation that I deeply love, this hasn’t anyway been the only disappointment. The problems in my own volunteering project led to resigning from the cooperation with the local community, and one year ago I was disappointed in myself of making a ridiculous mistake of choosing a wrong email address as a recipient. I do believe that all the faced disappointments have had their lessons, and so made me a stronger version of myself. But I cannot deny the fact, that they wouldn’t have made me feel small and incapable of making an impact.

In a world of over 7 billion inhabitants it’s not surprising to feel powerless. The harsh truth is that you won’t be understood by everyone you meet, and there might also be people who are not ready to question the things they have always seen to be right. However, you can on some level decide, whether these people will make you to surrender or to be a champion. And even in cases where you would lose on paper, you might still have created an impact.

Putting yourself out there for the opportunities requires a lot of courage and trust. Sometimes it asks for adapting an attitude of even if they would say you cannot, you just need to show them what you are made of. Sometimes, the results will show in a slight change in the ways of working, lighting up the spark in someone’s eyes, or planting a seed of a better future. And if you see the relevance of these little things, they’ll be your reasons why all the disappointments are worth encountering.

Ironically, for me the experience of getting rejected from the position, made me reflect on my capabilities on two ways. Firstly, it really made me feel just a small human being with limited affecting possibilities. Secondly, I have never felt so powerful after losing something. I think indeed, that it was a loss, but what it also meant, was a tank full of confidence boost. I realized, that I’m really capable of big things. And I don’t say it to make myself to feel happier or more satisfied with the loss, I say it because that’s how I decided to move forward from the disappointment. And because going through this was my way of not ending up regretting not to have tried it out fully.

In the end, not all the impact will be achieved by winning. When I’m next time asking myself, what can one person do, I have one more situation reminding me of the power of an individual. The power to be humble and fierce at the same time. And I believe, the source of that power is in daring to stand up, taking the opportunities and walking them through with confidence, by choosing a road towards the things you value.

P.S. Disappointments in life rarely come without opening new doors. Soon after these news I got an invitation to an interview, for which there is now space in my calendar. ;)

Note to self from summer 2018

The power of smile

Getting to know the reality of Tunisian women started with going to a cooking class of a local NGO called Free women. The day was a big day for the women there as they were having their final exam before getting the certificate. Happily we figured out that our expectations towards what was waiting for us were lower than the reality.

As true as it is than Africa also has internet connection we also were able to find people with ready degrees and language skills. For most of them coming there wasn't anyhow the only option they were capable of doing. The challenge isn't about succeeding in studies, it is the unemployment, which still follows even after graduating for example from business school. Getting the certificate from the baking course might not ensure getting a job but helps with creating the job on your own.

Some of the younger women also spoke English, which made the communication easier for me as well in this Arabic and French filled country. Most importantly, I was able to find the most powerful common language of all the languages; smile. With one of the women I met there and felt the most connected with we didn't have a common spoken language but we were still able to share feelings. And feelings create stories.
 

Maybe the best known non-spoken language is the survival hand language. However, in addition to trying to show the directions, it's possible also to connect with people only using impressions and gestures. We were able to sigh for the heat and detailed work, appreciate the effort of giving one's best, engourage, be friendly and interested in each others. And in the end, that's all what matters.

The women of the Free women have the attitude. The next day we went to their graduation party where their paistries were served, people were sitting in fancy tables wearing their best costumes, dancing, sharing the proud moment together and smiling the smile of succeeded woman. I had a feeling I could sense the attitude also from the participating children, which isn't really surprising as they have been raised surrounded by those role models. Already taking the opportunity to take part in the course asks for courage in the society where it's assumed that all the women just know all tricks of baking and cooking. After seeing those strong smiles, ruling my own life as courageously as them seems the only pursued way to live. I believe, it's also the way to achieve those strong smiles and the determined attitude.