Ennen ja jälkeen

Viikon päästä päättyy 13-kuukautinen rupeama AIESEC Oulun saapuvien vapaaehtoisten päävastaavana. Tänään summattiin tiimin kanssa tuona aikana karttuneita kokemuksia, ärsytyksiä ja saavutuksia jokaviikkosen tapaamisen päätteeksi. Vuosi on ollut melkoista vuoristorataa, kuten keskustelujen alkajaisiksi piirretyt motivaatiokäyrät jokaisen kohdalla todistivat. Tällä kertaa suurin ahaa-elämykseni tuosta käydystä keskustelusta oli kuitenkin se, että ennen kaikkea kyseessä on ajanjakso, jota ennen kyseessä oli erilainen Jenni kuin se Jenni, joka nyt tuota aikaa muistelee.

Ensimmäinen oman elämän ennen ja jälkeen -tilanne, jonka ymmärsin siinä hetkessä, oli välivuoteni au pair -aika. Hollantiin lähtiessä en tiennyt kerrassaan mitään siitä, mille tuon vuoden jälkeen alkaisin. Tulevaisuus oli silloin kaukana ja kaikki muu juuri siinä nenän edessä. Muuta en olisi voinut siltä hetkeltä toivoa, ja mikä parempaa, vuoden jälkeen tiesin taas enemmän.

Viime tammikuussa, nuo huiman nopeasti kuluneet 13 kuukautta sitten jännitti niin paljon, ettei nyt voi etes oikein ymmärtää että miksi. Tänään käydyssä keskustelussa paljastin hermoilleeni puhumista juuri noille tyypeille, joista yhdessä työskennellessä kehittyi vähintäänkin toinen perheeni. Kesän jälkeen oma motivaatiokäyräni oli pudota miinuksen puolelle, kun tunsin riittämättömyyttä organisaation laajuudesta kumpuavien ongelmatilanteiden vuoksi.

Tunisiassa ollessani tunsin ensimmäistä kertaa millaista on olla se erilainen. Kun selvittelin muutamien keskeytyneiden projektien seurauksia Oulussa, vastaan tuli hetkiä, jolloin todellisuus yllätti uudella ongelmalla, vaikka olin luullut ettei se olisi enää mahdollista. Juoksevien asioiden muututtua mekaaniseksi suorittamiseksi tapasin ihmisen, joka auttoi löytämään tarkoituksen kipinän takaisin. Ja kaiken tämän ansiosta ymmärsin, kuinka paljoon pystynkään, jos vain haluan.

Katsoin joku aika sitten YouTubesta aamumotivaatiovideon. Kyllä, juuri sellaisen, jossa mahtipontisia selityksiä tahdittaa inspiroiva ja ponnekas musiikki. Siinä huomioni kiinnittivät nämä kolme kysymystä: Miten haluan kasvaa? Mitä voin antaa? Mitä voin juhlistaa? Kertojaääni kehotti kysymään nämä itseltään päivittäin.

Elämässä tulee vastaan monenlaisia muutoksia. Moni niistä tapahtuu hiljalleen ja huomaamattomastikin, eikä siksi ehkä saa aina arvoistaan huomiota. Ihmisenä kasvaminen, oman paikkansa löytäminen ja elämästä nauttiminen ovat loputtomia prosesseja. Välillä mietin, tuleeko tarpeeksi usein pysähdyttyä pohtimaan, olenko menossa siihen suuntaan, mitä elämältä haluan. Tänään pysähdyin ja pystyin toteamaan, että tykkään jälkeen-tuloksista. Nyt kysymys kuuluu, mitä kaikkea siihen listaan mahtuu taas vuoden kuluttua. Joko tiedät, mihin sinä aiot vaikuttaa ennen kuin on seuraavan jälkeen-etapin aika?

Before and after

After a week from now, my 13 months as a Vice President of Incoming Global Volunteer (aka responsible for volunteers who come to Oulu) will be over. Today we were going through our feelings about the journey with the team. The year has been one kind of a roller coaster, as shown in the motivation graphs drawn by everyone. However, this time my biggest realisation from that conversation was the idea of this one year as a time period, which had a different me before and after.

The first before and after moment in my life which I noticed during that time, was during my au pair year. When I was leaving to the Netherlands, I had no idea what I would be doing after those 9 months. The future was far away and everything else right there, right then. That was all I could have wished for that moment, and even better was that after the year I knew more again.

Last January, those 13 quick months ago I was so scared that it's hard for me to understand now, why was that. In our conversation today I admitted that I was scared for talking to those people who ended up becoming my second family. After the summer my motivation graph was about to go below zero, when I didn't know what to think about the challenges, which are part of having a worldwide organisation.

In Tunisia I felt the first time how it is to be the different one. When dealing with some project issues in Oulu, I had not-always-so-positively surprising situations in moments where I had thought that it cannot get harder than this. When day-to-day tasks had turned into executing only, I met a person who helped me to find back that sparkle of purpose. And because of all of this I understood, how much I can do if I want.

Some time ago I watched a morning motivation video from YouTube. Yes, one of those with theatrical explanations and empowering music playing on the background. In that video these three questions caught my attention: How do I want to grow? What can I give? What can I celebrate? The narrator's voice encouraged the watchers to ask themselves those questions every day.

In life we face many kind of changes. Many of those happen bit by bit and might not get the attention they would deserve. To grow as a human being, to find one's place and to enjoy what you are doing are ongoing processes. At times I ask myself if I have stopped to listen my heart often enough to know if I'm going to the direction I want. Today I stopped and I was able to say that I like the after results. Now the question is, what will be on that list one year from now. Do you already know where do you want to have an effect on before the next after results?

Keep learning

"Last night in Sfax. It feels good. To go home. To feel the proudness. We survived and we took the challenge until the very end. We learnt a lot, and most likely understand the biggest part of it only afterwards. New world views and incredible locations. More busy and tiring life that I had imagined. I wouldn't change my summer to be anyhting else. So happy that I decided to go."

These were my final notes from my experience, a tired but happy sigh after finishing the work, and on the moment of saying good byes to the city, soon to the country as well. Those good byes were different than for all the other countries before. Usually there is the sadness about the time coming to an end too quickly, and mixed feelings when going home feels wonderful but a part of you will stay in that country. At least unconsious idea of some day coming back. This was the first time I felt quite sure I'm not coming back. I have now seen Tunisia, next comes something else, was the only answer to the quesitons regarding the return. Not leaving part of myself to the country still doesn't mean that I wouldn't have found some parts of it, mostly it's the other way around: as the contrast was the biggest ever experienced and I got the culture shock I went searching for, the learnings were one of the biggest as well.

So, what did I learn then?

I learnt, that my dream place to live in preferably supports both biking and public transport possibilities. That cactus has a fruit and what it is to enjoy the rain. That my writing skills can be considered as a talent. That I can quite easily keep calm in arguing situations. And that quite a big part of my identity is actually part of being European.

I learnt, that despite of fact that Tunisia "is considered to be the most modern Arab country"
the equality laws don't yet apply to all the real life acts. We for example worked with a guy who, during our time in the country, attended a wedding of a girl and her rapist. As some of the locals we interviewed, said, before having the change in the reality, there needs to be a change in the mindset first. What is considered to be shameful so deep in the cultural norms, doesn't change only by changing the law.

Working in the project also taught me that the idea of fighting for something doesn't need to start with a super unfair and inhuman childhood, or some other heavy personal experiences. Those might help with choosing your battle in the world full of unfairness, and with the empathy towards the victims of the chosen battle, but whichever issue you are interested in to have an effect of, you start searching information of, and will make you care about it, is a battle worth fighting for. And you are capable of taking the initiatives needed on the journey towards a positive impact. By using your strengths you can make an impact. You just need to start from somewhere.

When it comes to searching information, I also realized while creating and having our presentations and aiming to inspire, that I couldn't help not being inspired myself as well. Inspiration and motivation being impossible to throw to someone's head, are still something everybody needs and therefore the world needs. That's why I came to a conclusion that using my time in the everyday life into something that inspires me, is completely acceptable, almost suggested way of consuming time. And if I can inspire someone by what I'm doing and who I am, that would be an achievement worth of pursuing.

Last but not least, it's only you who is going to take the opportunities that are given to you, who makes the decisions upon the reality which exists and who is there to set the tone of all the experiences you face. And in the end, even if you would not feel like having cool examples to tell, you are full of stories, which have a huge power when being shared.

Go for Global Volunteer

Hey you

The past six weeks volunteering in Tunisia were unforgettable and taught us a lot. In our workshops about the topic gender equality we have met a lot of people and heard a lot of personal stories about the importance of having dreams. That's also why we are writing for you now.

Some people said that they don't have time to dream. But what is life without ever stopping to reflect what you actually want to do? What is your biggest dream? What makes you happy? When was the last time you had time for only yourself and thought about questions like this?

Some people had little wishes instead of daring to really dream big. We asked them, what could be the worst thing that can happen and what could be the best thing. Why wouldn't you give a try to the biggest dream you can imagine?

If it scares you, it probably means stepping out of your comfort zone, but in the end, that is when you learn the most. And that is where the magic happens.

"Steven Spielberg was rejected from film school three times, but he kept going." A convincing example that giving up should not be an option. Because, "doubt has killed more dreams than failure ever will."

If you don't ever want to regret the things you didn't do, you need to start achieving them right now.
All the best for you on your journey of living the life if your dreams,
Team Wonder Women

P.S. Sending a message in a bottle can be ticked off from our bucket list. What are you going to take out from yours?